Fanfic: Drowning (Supernatural)

[wanderamaranth]

Title: Drowning
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/whoever you want (left open to interpretation)
Character: Dean
Rating: PG
Warnings: mentions of death, angst, introspection
Word Count: 220

Summary: Love to Dean feels like drowning.

Author's Note: This is something I've had sitting around on my harddrive for a little while now. Was intended to be part of a larger story but doesn't "fit". Cleaning house, found it, and thought I'd post as a drabble.

*~*~*

Love to Dean feels like drowning.

It has been described otherwise by men whose talents with a pen Dean can't help but usually otherwise admire: a many splendored thing, that which lifts you up where you belong, all anyone needs. But love to Dean has never mirrored the uncompromising hope of the Elephant Love Medley, and he is not Ewan McGregor.

Love is more like a crushing weight that pressures his lungs, stealing his breath right along with his autonomy.

In a lot of ways the fire of vengeance is easier for Dean to comprehend than the water of love. He's seen the trail that fire blazes, can tell anyone who asks exactly how much of his person is made of charcoal and carbon.

Water, though, frightens him in its unfamiliarity, despite whatever scientists may say about how much of it comprises the human body. When fire burns it leaves little in its wake; blackened ground, charred stumps, brittle outlines of life. Dean doesn't know what is left behind when water recedes, though, and he's not certain he wants to find out, but such is the inevitability of life that he knows someday soon, he'll discover exactly what has been lurking under the depths while he's been busy drowning.

Part of him thinks it is a good way to die.